


Order of the Day

by Tarlan



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-13
Updated: 2011-05-13
Packaged: 2017-10-19 09:01:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/199147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan/pseuds/Tarlan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom reaches a fork in the road, aware that the direction he chose would affect the rest of his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Order of the Day

**Author's Note:**

> Written for MMOM 2011 Day 13

The first few days were the worst. He was considered a traitor by both the Federation and Maquis crew, and he knew from the sideways glances and the way a table emptied as he approached that it would take more than saving Chakotay's life to fix that problem. They were alone out here, more than a lifetime away from Federation space even at Voyager's top speed, and he was likely only tolerated at all because he was one of the few who could pilot the ship.

Sitting at the helm, he could feel the weight of Chakotay's eyes upon the back of his head, and he hated that he wished it wasn't only distrust but interest too. No one truly understood his life or the pressures that had caused his initial fall from grace. No one understood how his family connections had brought him only pain and fear while in prison. Everyone had expected more from him and had used him as an example, leaving him to fend for himself, so no one should have been surprised when Tom jumped at the first opportunity to escape.

Now he was trapped again; caught in no man's land between the survivors of both crews, 70,000 light years from the Alpha Quadrant.

He repeated back Chakotay's commands dutifully as Voyager set course for home, wondering how long Janeway intended to stay in her Ready Room. He never felt the weight of her gaze, strangely grateful that she had been willing to give him a chance in the same way she had opened her arms to Chakotay and his Maquis crew. They all needed each other if they were to survive the years lying ahead of them.

When his relief tapped his shoulder, Tom sighed in gratitude and surrender the helm, nodding in deference to Chakotay as he passed.

"Mr. Paris, I would like to see you in my office in one hour."

"Yes, sir."

He made his escape into the elevator but felt the churning in his gut as he wondered why Chakotay would want to see him in private. With nowhere else to go, Tom returned to his quarters and stripped off his uniform. No one had the luxury of a real water shower but the sonics installed on Voyager were the best he had experienced. Certainly better than those in the prison on Earth. The minutes dragged and yet the time to go see Chakotay came around far too soon. Part of him wanted to rebel, to dismiss the order and pay the consequences, except Tom wasn't sure he could afford to pay those consequences.

He smartened up and appeared outside Chakotay's office dead on time, ringing the chime and waiting for Chakotay to acknowledge him and bid him enter.

"Enter."

Tom straightened his shoulders, drawing in all the memories of training he had received in Starfleet before the stupid mistake that cost him his commission and his career. He needed to fly though, and if the Federation wasn't prepared to let him fly their ships then that had left him no choice but to sign on with someone outside of the Federation--the Maquis. At least the Maquis had been fighting for something worthwhile, unlike other who were little more than pirates.

Chakotay watched him with an impenetrable gaze as Tom came to attention, and he left him waiting for several seconds that seemed to stretch into an eternity before sighing heavily.

"I've noticed you sitting apart from the rest of the crew, except for Ensign Kim, who seems to have taken a shine to you."

Tom wasn't sure how to answer that so he remained quiet despite an urge to tell Chakotay that it really wasn't any of his business.

"As First Officer, I'm responsible for crew morale."

Once more, Tom bit back on a retort because the events of the last few weeks had not exactly boosted morale. The rest of the crew were a long way from home and their loved ones, whereas Tom had nothing and no one left behind to mourn. He had burned his bridges with both the Federation, and then with the Maquis. Of all of the crew, he was likely the one who was happiest with what had happened to them. All he had ever wanted was to fly a ship, and now he had Starfleet's finest beneath his finger tips and no prison except for the walls of this ship. He could live with that gladly.

"You need to make friends."

"Is that an order?"

"No. Just an observation."

Tom nodded because there wasn't much else he could say. Chakotay had to realize how tough it would be for him. However, eventually all the petty differences between the different parts of the crew might fade and, perhaps in time, his misdemeanors would fade in the eyes of others too. Certainly he wished Chakotay could put Tom's seeming betrayal into the past, where it firmly belonged now that they were all alone in the Delta Quadrant. Instead, all Tom had was memories of a single night, during a time when rank meant nothing, and the sex was just a reaffirmation of life before they parted company to serve on two different Maquis ships.

In prison, Tom had relived that single night of passion as he took solitary pleasure in his own body, stripping his cock with the memory of Chakotay's hands and mouth on his flesh. He knew the taste of Chakotay's skin right over the tattoo that adorned his temple, knew the pleasure of his kiss and the headiness of a powerful orgasm that ripped through him. Alone with just his right hand for company, the release was just a pale imitation but it had sustained him through the lonely nights both in prison and here on the ship. He knew not to expect any more than just that one memory but hadn't realized until now how much it hurt to not be able to reach out and take more from this man.

But they were no longer Maquis.

They had both agreed to abide by Janeway's insistence on Voyager being a Federation crew, adhering to Starfleet regulations. Though their rank was close enough to not prohibit a relationship, the history that lay between them could not be so easily forgotten. Tom wished it could be forgotten, that they could return to a time when the pleasure of skin on skin was enough.

"If that's all--"

"Yes. Dismissed."

It hurt but Tom had learned to live with heartache; he turned to go.

"Tom."

He glanced over his shoulder, and in that moment he saw all that Chakotay was trying to conceal. There was still something there between them. Still a desire for more. Tom knew he had a choice. He could walk away, putting the past firmly behind him, or he could face a different future, with Chakotay.

In some other alternate dimension, Tom Paris proved himself a coward and walked away...but in this one, he turned back and looked Chakotay in the face, letting him see that their single night together had meant something to him. He held his breath as Chakotay stepped forward and reached for him, and all his fear faded at the first touch of Chakotay's lips.

END


End file.
